Vent Lmao

feeling pretty shitty!
I'm so depressed and I cant get out of it oh my go d
Can i just be happy for a couple days without this ?? ?
and i just keep feeling as though everyone hates me and i dont know what to do?? what the hell is wrong with me ?? god i just feel like absolute shit oh my god. Literally any little thing or gesture makes me feel as though im hated! Anything!! whether it be someone not responding to something i said or just??? anything??? ? god im sick of this oh my go d
i just cant wait to be happier again
i just want to go home. im a whiny piece of shit but god do i want to go home and have a "normal" life!!! im sick of this oh my god im just so sick of this!!! I want to go home and sleep in MY bed and do the things I want to do!! I want to be able to go outside in the woods instead of being cooped up in this jailhouse of an apartment with someone I dont get along with!! I'm tired of all this shit!!! It shouldn't be taking this fucking long?? ??!! My mom is doing so well and yet?? we're still at a fucking standstill??? Speed it up DFS god damn. I want a normal life again. Even though it'll never be the same as when i was young. God i miss my dad and now im finally starting to grieve more!!! After 7 years of trying to stay strong my defenses are breaking!!! It's too much!!! I miss him so fucking much !! I loved him he was such a great dad!! Why'd he have to do it??? ? I love him so mjuch why'd he have to do it??? I cant really get angry with him but??? My life is literally fucked up so much !!! My sisters hardly even remember him!!! I dont see why he did it i just dont??? Maybe i was too young to notice???? But i cant forgive myself for not doing anything that night. i just cant. I knew something was wrong i just knew it!!! but i was too fucking lazy to get off my ass and give my dad a hug before bed!!! And now he's gone!! Everyone I love, it feels like they all just leave!!! I'm just so afraid ill end up alone or my family will be put through more pain and suffering!! It sucks!! I'm just ranting and ranting god damn!! BUt!!
i just want to go home and try to have some more happiness in my life.